Fun with English Writing (7)

27. Fun with English Writing (7)

【英文寫作的樂趣】

56)  It is a wishful thinking, which is not exaggerated cliché by American publications saturated.

Improvement：a cliché；overheated by American publications

註解：a cliché n. 一件陳腔濫調的事，不必再加exaggerated (過度宣染) ，否則意思重複；saturate vt. 飽和，overheat  vt. 過熱的

建議更正：It is a wishful think that it is not a cliché overheated by American publications.

【中文】：它是一廂情願的想法，它並非美國出版物所過度炒熱的陳腔濫調。

57)  For people like me allergic to milk this is good news to replace calcium shortage with such slimy vegetable.  Some worries with the kidney Stone resulting from over eating tofu or taking calcium pills, etc. are solved.

Improvement：substitute；worry that problems ；overeating

註解：replace vt. 取代，如A ~ B，substitute vt. 則用於~ A for B；第二個句子太長而are solved缺少主詞，故用worry that +子句，加problems作主詞

建議更正：For people like me allergic to milk, this is good news to substitute calcium with such slimy vegetable. Some problems of people’s worry about kidney stone resulting from overeating tofu or taking calcium pills, etc. are solved.

【中文】：像我對牛奶過敏者，用這種黏性的疏菜來補充鈣質是件好消息。有人擔心因過量食用豆腐或服用鈣片引起的腎結石等問題也解決了。

評：本句作者，喜歡用中文想法綁住英文，故寫出來的句子不易讓人看懂。

58)  I have had both my left shoulder and right hip replaced in the past few months and although considered major surgeries both went well. 

註解：應說左肩胛骨與右臀骨，換成人工骨頭而非用真骨頭，後半句最好另獨立成另一句。

註解：原句用in the past few months含最近幾個月來，用現在完成式，則意謂天天在開刀，不合理，故改用過去式，表示一個作而非狀態。事情go well指順利，但用undergo (經歷/進行) 更佳，因表示動作已完成，而非狀態的進行。

建議更正：A few months ago I had bones of my left shoulder and right hip replaced with artificial ones.  Though considered major surgeries, both were successfully undergone.

【中文】：若干月前我換了左肩胛骨與右臀骨的人工骨頭。雖然這兩項開刀 被認為大手術，但進行順利。

59)  Your writing is quite amusing cracking me up to drink water only, a plus to diet. 

Improvement：so amusing as to make me collapse, and to let me drink water only, which is helpful for health.

註解：crack up…作誇讚，而指健康則指衰敗或崩潰，指情緒或感情 (有歇斯底里的狀態-hysteria)。

建議更正：Your writing is so amusing as to make me collapse, let me drink water only, which is rather helpful for diet. (情緒崩潰與喝水何關?)

【中文】：你的文章是如此有趣，以致打敗了我，也使我僅能喝水充飢，但它對節食是好的。

評：這又是一個莫名其妙的句子!

60)  It was a fun and memorable event.

建議更正：It was a memorable event of fun.

註解：fun是不可數名詞，不可加冠詞。原句用and連接不對等的事，不恰當

【中文】：這是好玩，值得回憶的事。

61)   The cost is about $900 round trip. Please contact me, should you need assistance on lodging. 

Improvement: for a round trip, with

註解：以round trip作主詞較通順，原句中文意義濃。me後面的逗點應去掉，若should…. 後面的子句置於前面則要: Should you need…., please contact me. Assistance不接on, 而接with, 因: A assists B with +事(A幫B做某事)

建議更正：A round trip costs about $900.  Please contact me should you need assistance with lodging.

【中文】：來回票需900元。倘需協助安排住宿，請連絡本人。

62)  Sorry, but someone has so kindly sent you his comments based on the draft article that I wrote regarding the US Senate event that I chaired 16 years ago.

Improvement: so去掉，the draft of an article，a US Senate meeting

註解：chair v. 主持會議，但不能說chair an event

建議更正：Sorry, but someone has kindly sent you his comments based on the draft of an article that I wrote regarding an agenda in US Senate, the meeting of which I chaired 16 years ago.

【中文】：抱歉，有人致送他的評論給你們。此人的評論乃根據本人一篇文章的草稿，此文乃15年前本人在美國參院主持的一項會議有關的議程。

63)   My husband and I hosted a first year wedding anniversary banquet for my son and daughter-in-law in a Chinese restaurant near where we live. 

註解：wedding anniversary, 已清楚包括a first year, in a restaurant在餐廳內，at a restaurant在餐廳內的活動包括用餐

建議更正：My husband and I hosted for my son and daughter-in-law a wedding anniversary banquet held at a Chinese restaurant near our residence.

【中文】：我先生與本人在住處附近為我兒子及媳婦舉辦結婚周年晚宴。

64)  I meant to drop you a note of acknowledgment but just got so overwhelmed with what is going on in my household that I never got a chance to do so.

註解：meant to drop…僅表示有做…. 之意圖，未說明是否做到，若用had meant to+V (或meant to have +p.p.) 則表示此意圖未達成。be overwhelmed with+抽象名詞，如grief, joy, 表示十分悲傷或高興，此處用by好些。

建議更正：I had meant to drop you a note of acknowledgement but just got so

overwhelmed by some of my household affairs that I never got a chance to do so.

【中文】：本來我打算寫一封謝函給你，但因家事繁忙，未克做到。

65)  Had the classmate lived today, she would have been so proud of her son’s achievements.

    註解：本句有today，顯然是與現在事實相反的假設語氣，而非過去事實相反

建議更正：If the classmate lived today (或 Were the classmate alive today,), she would be so proud of her son’s achievement.

【中文】：如果此位同學今天仍健在，她一定會以其兒子的成就深感自豪。

Justin Lai (賴正雄) 編撰

10/09/2015