婦女的角色

Women’s Role 婦女的角色

After marriage, women become independent of their maiden family, have children, nurse them, take care of them, and become involved in their own family matters. Nursing children is a job which cannot be replaced by a man except in rare occasions or situations. A maternal love for children is nurtured starting from children’s infancy. As a Chinese old saying goes, 『男主內女主外』. This philosophical belief has firmly influenced many people for a long time. However, with time changing, people began to doubt its truth, and an epoch-making idea emerges.  That is『男女共同主外』, earning two salaries - husband and wife, or『女主外男主內-家庭主夫』should a husband be less capable or qualified for a job to make money. Well, whatever it is, a family’s balance and harmony is above anything else.

Some married women may claim that they are more qualified for anything than their better halves. They are in charge of everything ranging from family finance, children’s education at home, to relationship outside of home. They even take care of grandchildren’s extra-curricular activity- bilingual education. Luckily, because they had a language major. Well, we have to admit this kind of woman is really multi-capable of doing everything. Good for them! But I think they are going too far, meddling in too many things (太雞婆).

As for mutual understanding and forgiveness, it is basic to a harmonious marriage. A happy marriage is not only good for a happy family life but helpful with others as well. (家和萬事成) or (齊家治國)。

A common religion with a family does contribute to love, affection and happiness. But the religion is not absolutely necessary. Nor is it indispensable for people to know some philosophy of some great people to build a sound and healthy family. For some philosophy in life can be constituted based on one’s own personal experience. In my mind’s eye, mutual respect, understanding and humility toward each other is the key.

Nowadays, a new trend is forming in modern society that more and more women are domineering over their husband.  This new trend is thus that many men become hen-pecked, of course, not necessarily afraid of their wives. Is it true that being afraid of a wife is manly? (驚某大丈夫).  But a weird phenomenon comes to light that these husbands always『小事沒有意見，大事做不了主』。Do these men really contract an illness called『妻管嚴』(sounding like氣管炎)?

Do these lousy men really like to lock themselves in the computer room, surfing internet, and becoming “irresponsible idiots”? I don’t think so!!

In our class, there are quite a few female classmates who are still so energetic (even getting old in age) and in the same time so strong-willed that they have control over everything, like demanding the whole family (including sons, daughters, grandkids) to have dinner together from time to time to enjoy so-called天倫之樂. 。 This is particularly true in American society, which is Mother-centered. (母系社會).  Well, they may actually not be so domineering and demanding, but instead, their husbands in return prefer not to get involved, to have their wives have their own way, and love to be led by the nose.

Women enjoy more of their freedom, esteem and dignity here in America than in Taiwan, where they might be interfered by some relatives on husbands’ side. Some unhappy occurrence might happen to some families in Taiwan, causing some wives to become victims of some misfortunes, or even tragedies, sad to say.

In America, I think all married people should stick to each other and leave more freedom to their children and grandchildren. Married old women should not take more responsibility than they can or should to hinder children from achieving their own way of happiness. Do not bring with them (women) the old traditional Taiwanese custom- asking children or grandchildren to live close to them, with a funny excuse to take good care of them, for instance.

As I repeatedly stress in some of my articles, there are three major factors which are crucial to happiness of us senior citizens, 老伴(companion) ，老本(retirement pensions) and老友(old buddies). So why can’t we leave our offspring alone for God’s sake!?

Finally, though outnumbered, our male classmates in Waiwenxi (外文系) should be courageous enough to be on their feet to say something on this sensitive topic.

Justin Lai 

05/15/2015 in Southern California, USA